Thursday, October 25, 2012
Will I, Can I Survive?
The day after my Husband and I were married, he brought me home to a small 16ft. camper on our 5 acres of land which included two chicken houses on it, basement of an unfinished house, and a compost barn where chicken litter gets scraped into. We have 200+ acres that we grow wheat, alfafalfa, and soybeans on but it was not connected to the five acres we now lived on. When we arrived that night at the camper we found that the electric and water were not working and according to Robert had been working fine the night before. Foolishly I told him that we'd be fine as we had our bed and blankets in which we could cuddle together. Needless to say we found out the next morning after Sky (my red-nosed pitt), Robert and I had been huddled together all night shaking under a pile of blankets that it had been the coldest night on record so far. We had left water in the fridge before we had gone to bed that night and it was found frozen solid the next morning! Robert gave up trying to get any sleep at 4am and was up trying to fix the water and electric. When Sky and I decided shaking together was not getting us any warmer we got up at 6am and I advised my Husband that Sky and I would not stay another night in this place until the electric was fixed. Sheesh, I went from living in a 2 bedroom duplex, with a garage and a lovely backyard that had a creek running through it to living in a small camper with no electricity and running water! I thought "What has love gotten me into?" Our marriage survived that night, I survived it. If I could survive that, survive falling head first from the bucket of a 6ft tractor (which praise the LORD I did not break my neck), almost recover from being covered from head to toe in deer ticks ( I must have stood in a tick pile under a tree that day, didn't realize it for a couple of hours as I thought they were tiny spiders on my arms and I had only seen a few until we got home and I scratched away a few on my back. A rush to the bathroom showed my body covered in them.), to realizing I could no longer wear my high heels on the farm when I was walking to my car and fell in a hole and sprained my ankle, survive a heat stroke (from being out in 100 degree weather baling hay), recover from being rammed into a barbed wire fence by a ewe ( the sheep had me surrounded trying to get to the corn buckets and one of the ewe's went under my legs and got her head into the corn bucket and took off running with me on her back, her head in the bucket and the other sheep surrounding us trying to get to the bucket. I fell off when she ran me into the barbed wire fence.), I survived allergic reactions and swellings to stepping into a red ant piles and wasp stings, but most importantly I survived (we survived and our stronger for what we went through) going into labor 3 months early. Our son survived and was born July 5, 2012 at 2lbs 6 oz and is a thriving 3 month old today. If I could survive all that cannot I not survive the fussiness, the screaming, the never wanting to go to sleep, always wanting to be held antics of my son? Some days like today I myself want to scream at the lack of sleep, the lack of time to get anything done, to scream at being in the house 24/7 with him as he's to young yet to be taken anywhere except on our walks or when we do chores (feeding sheep, dogs and watering them all), to scream at the lack of my sex life as who has energy for sex these days but most of all to scream just to keep from going crazy! Am I alone in this? Are their other Moms out there, anywhere who feel the same? How do I survive this? Sometimes I think its unfair that Robert is in school 4 days a week and the other 3 he's always out working on the farm which leaves me alone with William (our son) all day, 7 days a week. He does get up with William on the weekends for one of the feedings so I can get a little more sleep which I really do appreciate and at night he helps with William before he heads off to bed but still is it enough help to keep me from going stir crazy, from going batty? Who thought being a Mother could be so hard? I do believe now that Motherhood is the hardest job out there. I give props to all the wonderful Mothers out there, when you feel under appreciated know that I appreciate you as well as all the other Moms out there. One day your kids will appreciate you when they themselves have kids and come to understand all you truely did for them. Thank you so much to my Mother, my friend, I now understand and love you all the more!