Heels to Tractor Wheels

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Thanks & Giving

Marriage involves a lot of give and take between two people. It's day in and day out of compromising, COMMUNICATION and putting your spouse before yourself. Marriage was never meant to be easy; nothing worth having is ever easy. As a couple you'll have your ups and downs, in fact its to be expected and should come as no surprise. What may come as a surprise is your reaction to them when they do come around and how each of you handles the situation. Do you grow stronger together and as an individual for going through them or do you find yourself feeling adrift and alone and wondering why and what if?

My husband and I firmly believe in Ephesians 5:25 & 28 (KJV) "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." I firmly believe this goes both ways and helps create a happier marriage. However, we are human and unfortunately instead of putting others first we like to put ourselves first and then we get to thinking of  I, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me and when we do that it creates dissent and resentment towards the one you think is holding you back. I should know as I myself have felt that way recently.

My husband advised me this past Saturday that we'd take a trip out to Cades Cove on Sunday to take some family pictures and spend some time together. I was surprised as he's been in this work mode of go, go, go. I was ecstatic about going as I needed a day out. Since William our son came home from the hospital I been confined to our home and property with him as he is unable to be in public areas for 6 months. We've taken William hiking with us twice so we could get out and have a bit of fun and relaxation, however, it had been awhile and I've been trying to get him to take me out without William so we could spend some time together. At this point though I'll take any outing William included as long as it gets me out and about. So Sunday morning rolls around and my husband leaves early so he can hit Tractor Supply to pick up a few items. Meanwhile I get William and I ready and pack props, change of clothes for William as we would be taking photos so I could start ordering our Christmas cards. I get a text from Robert (my husband) around 9am advising me he forgot about the time change. I was feeding William at the time so never responded back to his text. Next thing I know it's 11am and Robert still had not come back and when noon hit I knew he had blown it off and that we would not be going out. I see him and his Dad pull in and then back out with the tractors which meant they would be working yet again. Hurt I put all the stuff away and became angry at my husband for ALWAYS doing this to me. Every time I plan something he blows it off for work at the last minute. I kept thinking doesn't he understand how bad I need a day out? Why couldn't he put his family first before work? Doesn't he realize that I'm with William 24/7 and he has the farm and school so he only sees William at night or on weekend mornings and evenings? I sat there and stewed over it, remembering past grievances. I recalled the time when we had came home from visiting William at the hospital and it had been a rough week with him and I was emotionally drained, we had planned to go to the drive in theater that night and I'd been looking forward to it only for Robert to tell me on the way home that he wasn't going as he had studying to do and Williams room needed to be worked on. I told him I needed to go out and just clear my head of things and he was still adamant about not going. I advised him that I would go without him. Next things I know he drives around to check on the hay situation and see how everything was growing. Needless to say he caused me me to miss the movie and when we did get home he watched t.v. He didn't study nor did he work on Williams room. I planned an outing for his birthday only for him to text me and cancel at the time we were supposed to leave as he was still working hay. I started feeling like I'm always doing and giving to him but what was he doing or giving to me? I recalled how I always make sure he has a birthday and Christmas presents and how not once has he planned anything for my birthday, in fact he decided to work all day on my birthday this year and came in only after I had gone to bed. The only Christmas present he has ever gotten me was the first year we were dating and since we've been married he has not gotten me one thing until this past year when he  built me a hanging pot rack which he started on Christmas Eve and to this day almost a year later it still remains in the garage unfinished. He bought me a pool for my birthday 2 years ago and that pool still has not been setup. I just sat on the couch and kept recalling events where he let me down and resentment was setting in. Robert just made it worse by coming in the house around 3pm asking me if I was ready to go. Ready to go where??? He advised me we were going to Tellico for pictures and then I heard his Parents pull in the drive. WHAT!?! Seriously no text or anything advising me about this so I could get ready. I had no makeup on and my hair wasn't done, I no longer had William's change of clothes or his props! I went and steamed the whole way about it and wasn't happy when Robert's mom wanted to take our family photo. It took me two days to finally talk to Robert besides talking to him in monosyllables. 

We didn't talk much for those two days, we both have a habit of being silent when we're upset. I'm careful about what I say so I needed time to think and pray. I did not want to talk to him because I wasn't sure if I would regret the things I wanted to say which was basically to lay judgment and blame at his feet for all of the above. I kept thinking of me, me, me and I, I, I and how I felt and nitpicking at the things I felt he'd done to me. After a bit I came to the realization that being angry was such a wasted effort and it caused me to miss out on his kisses and hugs. I missed cuddling with him and just talking with him. I knew that if I brought up past grievances that it would only hurt him and nothing good would come out of it. I love him to much to cause him pain and I remembered all the wonderful things he's done for me. He does all the little things which matter the most, he washes dishes without being asked, he makes me breakfast and always helps me cook dinner when he's home. He relaxes with me at night when he should probably be studying and he always takes care of me. He spoils me in the things that matter. He's my bestfriend, my blessing from above, my husband and I'm forever blessed to be his wife. I recall that I'm a help mate to him and that I do all that I do for him because I love him. It's about giving from the heart because you care and love someone without expecting anything in return. I'm so thankful for Robert and for all he does for me, for our family. He works hard to support us to make sure we have food on the table, clothes on our backs and a roof over our head. He takes on so much and has so much stress that I'm glad I can do what I can to relieve a little of that stress without complaint (Okay, I might complain a little but hey I'm only human).

Robert and I did discuss that day and he did tell me he will no longer promise any outings so he doesn't disappoint me again. That wasn't quite the response I was looking for but I could tell it pained him that he disappointed me and he thought that I thought he was a disappointment. I could never think such a thing. Robert is the most loving man I know. He's hard working, honest, has integrity, good moral values and loves GOD. He has so many more attributes but he could take forever to list them all so I think ya'll get the point.

When you enter into marriage you become one. There are no I's and Me's in a marriage. Sometimes it's hard to remember that when we're so used to doing and getting what we want. Always be apprecitative and supportive to your spouse. NEVER take them for granted and love each day like its your last.

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