Heels to Tractor Wheels

Thursday, June 8, 2017

No Fear In Love

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Our First Anniversary-December 2009


To say I was flummoxed didn't even begin to cover my state of shock the day my husband came home from his Chiropractic appointment to tell me he wanted to quit his job with the I.B.E.W and go back to school full time to finish up his Doctorates for Chiropractic! I was dumbfounded, mouth hanging wide open, eyes glazed over, heart palpitating right out of my chest and the only thing I could think to say was, "I'm sorry, what now?" He began to explain to me how he'd been talking with his Chiropractor and how she has inspired him to go back and finish up his Doctorates and his reasons for doing so. After Robert graduated high school in 1996 he had enrolled in Palmer College of Chiropractic in Davenport, Iowa http://www.palmer.edu/ . He'd been perusing his dream but due to financial reasons he had to drop out of the program. It was the last thing he wanted to do but he was unable to get the assistance he needed to finish the program. After much thought and I hope prayer (didn't know him then so can only guess at his prayer life...lol) he then made the decision to get into the apprenticeship program for the I.B.E.W and pursue that route instead. He had just graduated the apprenticeship program for the I.B.E.W right before we met. By the time we met he was a Journeyman with the I.B.E.W and was making good money. It was one of the things that I liked when we met was that he had a good job, he was established, not someone who went from job to job or didn't know what they wanted out of life. So when he comes home to ask me about him quitting his job to go back to school after we'd only been married for 6 months you can understand why I would silently be FREAKING OUT!!! My mind was screaming NO! NO! NO! NO! I was already in school at Walter's State Community College in Sevierville, TN  http://ws.edu/home/ pursuing my Culinary & Associates Degree. How could he do this to me??!! After years of wanting to pursue a Culinary degree and not being able to financially until I met and married my husband (No, I did not marry him for his money because seriously what money, I was living in a 30' camper on a farm 😝). I felt my dream slipping away. We were secure enough, had money in the bank and in savings but with him quitting his job, me already enrolled full time in school how could we afford for him to go to school too? He was paying for my schooling so how could we afford to pay for his as well?  I wanted my dream, I didn't want to have to sacrifice it for his dream. Why now? He already had his time and now it's my turn, what is going on?!!! I wanted to kick his Chiropractor's butt for putting the notion in his head!!! I had just started my own bakery business from my home before we had met and when we married I put it on hold to go to Culinary school to learn all I could and our plan was for me to open up my own bakery upon graduation. I knew if he went back to school as well and received his Doctorates he'd open up his own practice and well....where would that leave me and my bakery? How could we both run a business, run a farm and raise a family all at once?  I knew deep down if  he went back to school my bakery would be put on the back burner. I felt this on some level I just couldn't explain. I knew it as absolute truth. How could I say yes and support him as my own dreams went up in smoke? How could I say no and watch the light dim in his eyes from his dreams dying? To watch the disappointment fill his eyes and to know I had caused it. Could I? Yes, all of these very selfish thoughts were running rampant in my head.  Take a moment and think about your dream within hands reach and one decision causing it to go POOF while another dream comes true. Would you yourself not think selfish thoughts? Could you give up your dream so another can reach theirs? He began to talk about going to school and I begin to listen. He had put a lot of thought into going back but unless I agreed he wouldn't do it. My husband, my blessing from above; he is a Man of faith, integrity, loyalty, honesty (completely even if it hurts your feelings) and so much more, he truly is one of a kind. He asks my opinion, respects my opinion and if I was to say no he wouldn't go forth with it. That is love my friends, that is love!

I'd like to tell you how I agreed right then and there on him quitting his job and going back to school but sadly that wasn't the case. I have my faults for I am human. I'm selfish and a lot of the time I think I'm always right probably like 90% of the time so I always think people should listen to me and do it my way. 😜 I know my faults and always try to be aware of them and work on them otherwise how can we grow and learn if we do not? I cried a lot whenever he broached the subject of him quitting his job  as I just couldn't see how it would work and the thought of giving up my dream was quite distressing so eventually he quit talking about it and our lives went on. Horrible Wife award right here! Yes, I know!

I'm a pray-er, someone who prays A LOT, in the car, doing dishes, on my walks, whenever I eat, in the shower,  wherever, I pray. I did a lot of praying about my husband going back to school, just because he quit talking about it didn't mean he still didn't yearn for it. I hurt because I was hurting him by not agreeing but it was hard for me. I have to have security to know there will be money coming in, food on the table and bills paid or I literally freak. Well my freaking out point starts when the food is low in the fridge and cupboards which stems from my second half of my childhood after my Parents divorced. It was close to 4-6 months later when I broached the subject with him again. 😲 I felt at peace with my decision finally, whatever the outcome. I love him more than I loved my dream for a bakery. I would lay down my life for his so it really was a no brainer.  He gave me my dream of going to Culinary school so I could do no less than help him on the road to his dream. Whatever the outcome I would stand with him. Sometimes the things we want in and out of life are not always the things GOD wants us to have and if we trust in HIM HE will show us another way. HE will provide the door all we need to do is open it and walk through. I told my husband if he came home to me every night he could go to school. That was my one and only stipulation to his quitting his job and going back to school which mind you was 3 hours away from where we lived so it would be a 6 hour daily drive for him which didn't include weather or traffic. When we originally started talking about his going back to school he wanted to live near school for the week and come home on the weekends. I couldn't go for that as we were still newly married and we belonged together. Which was the reason for my stipulation.

So it was set, he ended up quitting his job and going back to school full time. We both graduated, still married and still very much in love with each other. 💖 GOD saw us through and seems to have other plans for us at the moment because neither one of us has a practice yet and my husband is back with the I.B.E.W (he kept us with his license while going through school). Funny how life happens.

When my husband approached me about working out of state since he couldn't find work in state with the kind of pay we needed to not only live on but to bring our heads above water we both agreed to both pray about it for awhile. With the farm still in trouble and bills piling up we needed to do something soon. If Robert went to work out of state it would mean the kids and I staying home as I would need to run the farm and still take my oldest to school. For the first time ever we would be apart longer than a weekend. This job would last 3-4 months and he'd be working 1000 miles away from us. He'd also be working 7 days a week 10+ hours a day which would mean no downtime for him. Working that long for that many hours for 3 months or longer would be hard and could take it's toll on him so that was something we would have to factor into our decision as well.

There can be no fear in love. When you have fear your not trusting in GOD to provide, to bring you through, to allow you to soar or catch you if you fall. Fear just holds you back. What good is fear? Have you told your mountains about your GOD lately? GOD can move mountains! Your problems, my problems they are surmountable even when it doesn't feel or seem so. Have faith even if your faith is the size of a mustard seed (which is quite tiny if you've ever seen one. If not you should google an image of it) GOD will crumble, push aside or go straight through your mountains. A little faith goes along way so imagine what would happen when you put aside your fear and your faith is at full Jedi force. Seriously, take a moment and imagine it! WOW huh?! So why not?!!

After much prayer we put our fears aside and trusted in GOD to see us through. Our decision was made. William our son was on fall break so we took the $600 we had left to our name and went with Robert to Massachusetts to sign the books. Our plan was to go with him to sign the books then head to Indiana to sign the books there and then Kansas. We figured we'd camp along the way to save as much money as we could. It would take us a week to make the rounds and get back home. We would  wait for a callback on one of the jobs and whichever one called first would be the one Robert would take and head out for.

My 4 year old son took this shot of us as we set out on our adventure.



On a wing and a prayer, Massachusetts here we come!

2 comments:

  1. Oh so much faith and love displayed in your writing! Glory to God for putting these words on your heart to share with others! I enjoyed reading it and now I know i need to trust in the Lords timing for our family! I also need to draw closer to my husband rather than allowing this inconvenience to wedge between us!

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    1. To GOD be the glory in all things even my writing! Thank you so much for you loving and most kind words, they and you are truly appreciated! Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of my favorite verses although admittedly I have a lot of them ....haha! :) "Trust in the Lord with ALL thine heart; and lean NOT unto thine own understanding. In ALL thy way acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." May you both reach out to the Lord and to each other during these difficult times and HE'LL not only draw you closer together but bring you through. It won't be easy but it'll be worth it. Prayers for you and yours beautiful Mama!

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